How to survive the drive!

1. Keep it positive
1. Give each other the benefit of the doubt
2. Are you really supposed to blow everything off?
1. No, you can’t really, but before you say anything
1. Ask yourself, “Is this a life or death issue?”
2. “Could I be judged for the same thing?”
3. In the heat of the moment, should you wait, even if it’s just five minutes?
4. What’s my goal in saying anything...Shame? Apology? Correct?
2. In order to survive the drive, chill, take a breath, and keep these questions front and center if anything comes up.

Over the last 6 shows you’ve learned the core skill taught in every one of our Smalley Marriage Intensives, Love Talk, by far the most powerful way to communicate with someone where feelings and needs can get expressed in a way that leads you naturally into win/win solutions.

Today we’re going to give you the top 4 lessons learned in these Love Talk episodes. If you can remember these 4 things, you will be able to resolve conflict with anyone at any time.

• You need structure when it comes to resolving conflict
• Listen, Own, Validate, and Express
• Take a time-out before it gets too heated
• Be a great listener, which means validating well
• Only settle for win/win solutions

You are catching us at the tail end of our series on LOVE Talk, the most powerful communication method on earth! Last show you learned how to share your feeling and needs as the customer in a way that helps others receive them and honor them.

1. Brainstorm all possible ideas
2. Never settle on a win/loss
3. If you get stuck, seek help (Smalley Marriage Intensive or a friend)

The last time we were with you, you discovered the role of employee and how that may be the most important role we learn when it comes to conflict resolution. On today’s show, you are going to learn how to be a great customer. You’ll want to listen today, because we are going to show you a way you can share the most important things in your life to your significant other and actually have them respond in a loving manner!

• LOVE is the essence of LOVE Talk! (Listen, Own, Validate, and Express)
• Share only feelings and needs
• Never use the word YOU…

Previously on Smalley Marriage Radio you discovered the most powerful way to stop STUPID conflict by using a time-out. Today, you get to learn the role of employee, that if I’m honest, is possibly the most important role you can learn when it comes to resolving conflict.

• LOVE is the essence of LOVE Talk! (Listen, Own, Validate, and Express)
• The employee only worries about Listening and Validating.

How timeouts help you stop stupid conflict:

1. Stop escalating,
2. Get away from each other, this allows you to calm down
3. Pray, this allows you to gain perspective
4. Own your part, this allows your partner to hear you and not be so defensive

Last show we talked about the importance of having structure in how you resolve conflict. So you can’t just go all willy-nilly during conflict and think you’re going to get anything solved.

SHOW NOTES

Today is about the most powerful word picture in the history of the world when it comes to resolving conflict!  If you’re going to resolve conflict, then you are trying to replicate the experience you get when going through the drive-through at a Chick-fil-a.

Do you ever get into conflict? I’m in conflict every other day with my wife! And we help couples for a living! Today you are going to discover, possibly, the most important thing about resolving conflict…and you don’t know about it! But no longer, we are going to reveal this truth as we unpack resolving conflict as a couple.

SHOW NOTES

• If you are going to resolve conflict, you have to have structure!
• LOVE Talk stands for Listen-Own-Validate-Express

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This show was brought to you by the Smalley Institute. If your relationship is on life support, Smalley Marriage Intensive your marriage in two days. Call us at 800-975-8748 or click here for more information on our private, 1-on-1 program for couples.