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Weapons of Mass Destruction - The Warrior's Marriage Part 2

Welcome, “Today is the 2nd part of my series on the warrior’s marriage, and you’re not going to like it...well...you’ll eventually like it but first I have to shove a few things down your throat for a second, maybe a minute.  “Welcome to the Inspiritaitonal Comedy podcast with Michael Smalley, learning doesn’t have to be boring!”

The pain is a good thang!

  • Why do we avoid it?
    • No one likes it
    • Seems logical to avoid
  • How is it a good thang?
    • You can’t know pleasure without pain
    • Relief from pain brings pleasure (Studies show when relief arrives, and it will, pleasure is better than before)
    • You bond through pain
      • It’s why camping was such fun!
    • Gives you permission to reward yourself

“There's a reason a cold beer tastes better after you've mowed the lawn or a hot chocolate tastes better after you shovel the...

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Feeling overwhelmed by "Flooding"?

 

Dr. John Gottman writes:

We all know what it’s like to get carried off by some rough emotional currents when we are dealing with our mate. These aren’t the day-to-day flashes of anger or hurt. I am talking about the giant waves of bad feelings that completely knock you down and take any rational thought with them. This is how it usually goes. You are in the middle of a conflict or disagreement, your partner says or does something, and suddenly you fall down a deep dark rabbit hole. The only notes you register are rage, hurt, panic, and fear.

Ever think, "Why do our arguments feel insane? I end up overwhelmed and totally discouraged"? On August 7th learn why "Flooding" derails your relationship.  More importantly, learn how to eliminate "Flooding" from your arguments! 

If you want to turn arguments from miserable moments to opportunities for deeper intimacy, educate don't degenerate by:

  1. Focusing on the good and dealing with the bad
  2. Take a Sacred Pause to...
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The Warriors Marriage Part One

Who are you?

  • A crisis of life - My own journey of identity
  • I had all the head knowledge
  • My actions showed I didn’t actually believe it

These choices reflect who we are and what we value.

  • It’s important not to identify just as a wife or a soldier. You are far more than that.
  • We get in trouble when we allow our parents or society to define who we are (e.g., the pursuit of materialism, power, and appearance).
  • Identity may be acquired indirectly from parents, peers, and other role models.
  • Children come to define themselves in terms of how they think their parents see them.
    • If their parents see them as worthless, they will come to define themselves as worthless. People who perceive themselves as likable may remember more positive than negative statements.

To be more satisfied in your relationship means living in harmony with who you really are.

  • You are not a reflection of the life around you.
  • You aren’t just a wife, husband, warrior, or anything of this world....
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Karl Vaters - that small church guy

Karl and I met in Guatemala with Compassion International. That's enough said! You don't want to miss this interview.  He knows things about me because I overshared on the trip!

Karl’s heart is to help pastors of small churches (up to 90 percent of us) find the resources to lead well, and to capitalize on the unique advantages that come with pastoring a small church – something virtually every pastor will spend at least some of their ministry years doing. He also believes that big and small churches can and should work together more often – to the benefit and blessing of everyone.

Karl has been in pastoral ministry for over 30 years. He is the teaching pastor of Cornerstone Christian Fellowship, a healthy small church in Orange County, California, where he has ministered for over 25 years with his wife, Shelley.

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FLQ - hurling mud and other messy stuff

On today’s Friday Listener Questions day we’ve got a spouse constantly hurling mud, one that wants to talk about the terrifying “do I look good in this dress” question and finally, how long does it take to finally start fighting healthy. It’s going to be a good one today my listening friends!

What do you do when you’ve asked for a timeout, yet your spouse keeps hurling mud and refuses to stop after repeated requests? How do you address the weight of your spouse? How long does it take to transition from bad fighting to healthy fighting?

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Pursue forgiveness

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Show Content:

Everybody wants intimacy, but are you willing to do the work of forgiveness?

Early one morning in Dacula, Ga., Matt Swatzell was driving home from a 24-hour shift as a firefighter and EMS and had only 30 minutes of sleep. He was less than four miles from his home on October 2, 2006 when he suddenly heard what he calls “the most God awful sound I’ve ever heard.”

Listen to the podcast for the whole story!

Here’s what you get in the Pursue Oneness online experience:

  1. Ed Laymance’s Flushing exercise, which is all you need but…

  2. How do you seek forgiveness and repair damage

  3. The 5 stages of forgiveness

  4. The roadblocks keeping you from forgiving others

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FLQ - Defensiveness, facts and jerks

It’s Friday Listener Questions day! WooHoo! On today’s show, we’ve got defensiveness, staying married to a-holes who will never change, and someone still completely stuck on the importance of facts! Consider it managed!

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  • Can asking back to back questions cause defensiveness in a seemingly innocent conversation?
    • Of course, but really depends on your tone and context of the conversation.
      Anything can turn someone defensive, fairly or unfairly.
  • Should someone stay in a marriage with an asshole who is not going to change?
  • Totally get the “Feelings, not facts” focus, but don’t we sometimes have to reach a common understanding of the facts in order to more fully...
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I got a B on Valentine's Day!

Today is a special day for love! And you get to experience my Valentine’s Day gift for Amy live on Facebook and over the podcast.  I really hope she likes it!

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Pursue attraction

I don’t know why, but for some reason when I have an amazing story to share for this podcast, I think of Mr. Rogers! I’ve got a story for you today that has a drunken crowd, a demanding husband and a wife who does the only thing she could possibly do to make the situation... promising. Join us as we pursue attraction!

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SHOW NOTES

There is an old story that illustrates the principle of honor within marriage. A drunkard husband, spending the evening with his jovial and drunken companions at a tavern, boasted that if he took a group of his friends home with him at midnight and asked his Christian wife to get up and cook supper for them, she would do it without complaint. He laughed...

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Discover the DNA of your relationships

You are made for three fulfilling relationships. You are designed to seek loving, fulfilling and safe relationships with God, others and yourself. Each of these relationships is not only important, but each is intricately related to the other. Everyone wants deep, connected, safe, intimate relationships. A special episode taken from the video series, The DNA of Relationships.  Enjoy my father's session!

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