Is oral sex allowed for a Christian couple

I just received this question and it jumped right off the page at me!

We have just ordered over $400 worth of books, workbooks, cd’s and dvd’s from you and your family……..we are desperate……I just have to ask one question………I have to have an answer to this question before I can get past some issues……….it is this………..

“Is oral sex something that is OK with the Lord, and, is it ok to dress up in a little nurse costume, or such.

I know this sounds so crazy, but I am about to go out of my mind needing to know the answers to this question! We have two boys coming up and I want them to have the best life possible in the Lord………these questions are just not talked about enough!

Thank you for your time and answer. May God richly bless you and all of your family!

MICHAEL: I hate couples who miss out on the joy of sex with each other because they think there are...

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Menopause - an interview with an expert

What a show today! I get to interview Rhonda Jolliffe, the founder of rhondanp.com.  What's so great about the show today? We have one of the most honest and frank conversations about menopause ever!  Rhonda has great insight for women who might be experiencing menopause but we also address how menopause impacts a relationship and what to do about it.

  • About 20 years helping women through menopause
  • The creator of rhondanp.com
  • Get a free course, just visit rhondanp.com/smalley
  • Understand the positives of menopause.
  • Does menopause help creativity for women?
  • What are some of the best things women can do for menopause?
  • Tips for husbands with wives going through menopause.
  • Andropause, it’s menopause for men!
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How to end it well

Today Seth Johnson is taking over the show. So everything we talk about is something he wanted, and he got.

  • Seth wants to talk about ending well.
  • Every good thing sometimes comes to an end
    • Dating, marriage, business, etc.
  • How to end well
    • “Ending well means intentionally setting aside time for reflection and acknowledgment, time to name the cost, the enormity of the work and everything that has gone into it, and name the moments of grace and beauty that helped carry us through.” The Allender Center
    • Don’t dismiss it or avoid it
    • Embrace the awkwardness
    • Don’t lie
  • What are your favorite memories?
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Get to know your mate's inner child

Intimacy is more than just hanging out with each other or sharing your deepest emotions.  It is also important to get to know each other.  These questions can help you learn a little bit more about each other's inner child:

  1. What's your earliest childhood memory?
  2. Who was your best friend growing up?  What was your favorite thing about this friend?
  3. Who was your biggest influence growing up and why?
  4. If you could go back and change one thing about your childhood, what would it be?
  5. What was your favorite TV show growing up as a kid?
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Does what we teach possibly harm your relationship?

“You've talked about taking a timeout when things get too heated. I feel my husband uses this phrase as a way of avoiding the problems we face. Unfortunately, communication in our marriage has become so unpleasant and difficult that timeouts have become a lifestyle and we have virtually no communication. I'm talking like years and years, at least 15. At this point I feel we have no connection and no relationship, along with so many unresolved issues I don't even know where to start. We have been married for 35 yrs. I don't want to give up, but I do not want to live the rest of my life with a hostile stranger. HELP!!!”

  • Why in the world could everything we teach be bad?
    • Because you can twist anything good and make it bad...anything!
    • This is why Jesus made such a big deal about our hearts, our intentions, the true desire behind our actions.
  • It matters WHY you are doing something.
    • Timeouts are good, but bad when
      • “I feel my husband uses this phrase as a way of...
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Is it ok to walk away from your marriage?

Today we take on one of the shortest, yet intense question asked by a listener yet! I’ll just let you read it for yourself, “Is there a walking away point in marriage?”  I don’t know...is there? We’ll answer this question on today's show.

“My wife wants a divorce, I do not. She wants the four kids and I am supposed to move out. I want reconciliation, she says ‘No chance, ever!’ What do I do?”

  • Respect the boundary even though it seems counterproductive
  • Give her the space she is demanding
  • Let her know you would love a chance to hear what you can do to repair the relationship, but you’ll be patient till she is ready
  • In the meantime
    • Get help
    • Counseling, mentor, discipleship
  • Make changes
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Talking to yourself makes a huge impact

On Saturday Night Live, a character named Stuart Smalley used to say, “I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog gone it people like me.” I’m not sure we’ve ever had a better introduction to the show...ever! Today we discuss the benefits of talking to yourself and how it can positively impact your relationships.

An articles in the NY Times by Kristin Wong “The Benefits of Talking to Yourself”

  • Talking to yourself can impact you positively when it comes to relationships
  • Two types of talking to one’s self
    • Instructional self-talk
      • Talking yourself through a task
    • Motivational self-talk
      • “I can do this!”
  • It doesn’t have to be out-loud, internal self-talk works too
    • Ethan Kross, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan
      • They found that when their subjects talked about themselves in the second or third person — for example, “You can do this” or “Jane can do this” instead...
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The Church Marriage Strategy

Why we are doing a show like today is beyond me! Because I know at first, you’re going to be thinking to yourself, “How is this going to help me? I’m not a pastor or a leader at a church.” Well my listening friends, all that needs to change today. Because you need to know what an effective church marriage strategy looks like so you can begin harassing your church leadership to implement it. But it can also help your relationship specifically, if you’re willing to do the same things for your own marriage.

  • The Church Marriage Strategy
  • What every church in the world should be doing
    • Why don’t they, because pastor’s marriage isn’t up to snuff
    • They don’t want to come across condemning to those who have divorced
    • They don’t want to “support” divorce
  • What best describes the marriage ministry in your church?
    • An event we do every year in February
    • Our pastor preaches on marriage at least once a year
    • We have a...
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A conversation with the "Sex Master" Dave Willis

What's healthy when it comes to sexual intimacy in marriage? This episode is definitely not for little ears, a warning to those parents who might not want their kids to hear an honest and frank discussion about sex. I've got Dave Willis on the show and we don't shy away from anything when discussing sexual intimacy.

And it all started because of a bizarre new trend in wedding photography!

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What if she doesn’t come back – Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife

It’s the eighth show of our series, The Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife. Sometimes, the hero’s journey doesn’t have a hollywood ending. It can be more like the ending of Cold Mountain with Jude Law and Nicole Kidman. This movie came out in 2003 and I’m still angry and distraught about how it ended. You don’t want to hear today’s show, I know this, but you need to listen because what do you do if she doesn’t come back?

SHOW NOTES

If you want to listen to all the episodes in this series, just click here.

  • What if she doesn’t come back
    • You need to hear this because, unfortunately, it is a possibility.
      • Sticking your head in the sand won’t make it better
    • First, realize you have no control over whether or not you win back your wife.  That is in God’s hands.
  • If you “demand” that she comes back, it may be why you lost her
    • If your heart and attitude during this hero’s journey is that you...
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