The Reluctant Missionary

Authentic stories from the travels of Michael Smalley.

What if she doesn’t come back – Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife

hero's guide to winning back your wife marriage Nov 07, 2017

It’s the eighth show of our series, The Hero’s Guide to Winning Back Your Wife. Sometimes, the hero’s journey doesn’t have a hollywood ending. It can be more like the ending of Cold Mountain with Jude Law and Nicole Kidman. This movie came out in 2003 and I’m still angry and distraught about how it ended. You don’t want to hear today’s show, I know this, but you need to listen because what do you do if she doesn’t come back?


If you want to listen to all the episodes in this series, just click here.

  • What if she doesn’t come back
    • You need to hear this because, unfortunately, it is a possibility.
      • Sticking your head in the sand won’t make it better
    • First, realize you have no control over whether or not you win back your wife.  That is in God’s hands.
  • If you “demand” that she comes back, it may be why you lost her
    • If your heart and attitude during this hero’s journey is that you have to have her come back…then you have possibly sabotaged winning her back.
    • The goal can’t be to win her back, the goal must be to honor and value her no matter what…especially if she doesn’t do the right thing
  • Why didn’t she come back?
    • Is it your fault? Maybe and maybe not.
    • She could be dealing with unforgiveness and bitterness
    • So keep praying for her and doing the right thing regardless
    • It could be that she felt your demand that she come back.
    • Maybe the damage caused was too much to reconcile.  But if you have children, you still have to figure out how to honor and value her for the sake of the children.
  • So now what?
    • For the love of all things holy, please don’t rush into another relationship.
    • Keep loving her unconditionally, you simply never know how God might change her heart.
    • Keep your heart open to the possibility of her coming back.
    • Pray with a group of mature Christian men about the timing of possibly dating again.
  • A hero’s actions
    • Actively keep your heart open by constantly forgiving her and praying for her.
    • Self-care, self-care, and some more self-care.  What can you do to rejuvenate your heart?

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