The Reluctant Missionary

Authentic stories from the travels of Michael Smalley.

Top 5 Fantasies

marriage sexual intimacy Oct 30, 2018

Are you the kind of person who likes to let their imagination run a little wild? Are you afraid that maybe your imagination has a tendency to run a little too wild? Kids, if you’re listening you may want to close your ears and parents, you’ll want to open yours because in today’s episode we’re gonna dispel some common misconceptions about the, shall we say, r-rated day dreams of the average adult. Again, kids your gonna want to take your imaginations into the other room because now, it’s time for the adults to have some fun.

Then, near the end of our show today, I’ve got potentially the creepiest Distraction of the Day ever! This is October after all and Halloween is tomorrow!


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Show Content:

Here are your top 5 fantasies revealed in a recent study by Justin J Lehmiller:

  1. You'll never guess who appears most in your partner's sexual!
  2. You'll never guess what men and women fantasize most about changing focus on private parts and women focus on their overall body.
  3. "Overall, however, most of the things that men are fantasizing about, women are fantasizing about, too—and vice versa. Ultimately, what this means is that women’s fantasies have much more adventure and variety in them and men’s fantasies have much more emotional content in them than most people give them credit for." Justin J Lehmiller Ph.D. "The Myths of Sex"
  4. "Not all fantasies are desires". This means we might fantasize about something we aren't overly excited to actually try out. But the main thing for me is that you need to talk with each other about what you would enjoy sexually.
  5. Enjoy your sexual relationship with each other and things work out! If you would only share what you desire you could meet your desires.

“For women, our biggest sex organ is our brain.” Amy Smalley

We’ve discussed some things on the show today that aren’t usually tackled on a Sunday morning. Maybe some of you are cringing in your seat, too embarrassed or unable to comprehend what you’ve just heard. Maybe you’ve felt ashamed of these desires for so long that you feel you can’t even begin to know how you are supposed to respond. Friends, the shame you feel in desiring your spouse sexually is not a conviction from the Holy Spirit. It is yet another tactic of the Enemy used to keep you from experiencing the incredible intimacy, joy, and unity you can have with your spouse when you explore your sexual relationship.

If you don’t get anything out of today’s show, just know that desiring greater sexual intimacy with your spouse is not a treacherous and shameful thing. It is perfectly natural to think about and imagine experiencing sexual pleasure with your spouse. Fantasizing about your spouse is not some dirty sin you have to keep to yourself. In fact, it actually shows that you care about them, and want to have more pleasure and intimacy in your relationship.

Sex is something God created to establish a unique physical and spiritual bond between a husband and a wife. Do not dishonor God’s creation by thinking that exploring sexual intimacy with your spouse is dirty, sinful, or inappropriate. Remember that you and your spouse should be seeking to serve and honor each other in all things but especially in your sexual relationship. If one party is in any way uncomfortable or hesitant, you must immediately stop and discuss what is happening underneath the surface. Sex is the most intimate and binding act you can commit with another person and as such you should always take special care to ensure you and your spouse are both comfortable and happy with what is going on.

Distraction of the Day:

“A Brief History of the People Paid to Eat Other People's Sins Away” - (

  • Dying in a hospital is actually a really recent thing, maybe the last 50 years.
  • Death used to be an intimate, in-home kind of thing
  • Some of our past traditions:
    • Funeral biscuits (Victorian era) had crosses, death’s head or biblical quotes
    • In the middle ages Germans ate “corpse cake”. “By leaving the rising pastry dough on the linen-covered chest of the dead body, corpse cakes were believed to absorb the best qualities of the dead, which were then passed on to mourners as they ate.”

“This was all well and good for those who died virtuously—but what was a mourner to do when the deceased led a life full of sloth, envy, gluttony, covetousness and pride? Only one option: Call the sin eater.”

“Appearing in England and Wales as far back as the 17th century, sin eaters were a universally reviled but necessary evil. Against the wishes of the church, sin eaters were called in to relieve the deceased of any sins they might be carrying with them into death. Bread placed on the chest of the laid-out body sucked up the sins of the dead, clearing them for passage to heaven. Once the sins had been captured, the sin eater sat on a stool facing the door and ate the bread, taking on the sins as his own, washing them down with a wooden bowl of ale.”

They were often homeless moving from town to town to avoid being executed by the church!

They were social pariahs! Often they were beaten and abused right out of the house! So have fun tomorrow trick or treating and enjoying the candy!



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