Who are you?

• A crisis of life - My own journey of identity
• I had all the head knowledge
• My actions showed I didn’t actually believe it

These choices reflect who we are and what we value.

• It’s important not to identify just as a wife or a soldier. You are far more than that.
• We get in trouble when we allow our parents or society to define who we are (e.g., the pursuit of materialism, power, and appearance).
• Identity may be acquired indirectly from parents, peers, and other role models.
• Children come to define themselves in terms of how they think their parents see them.
  
  • If their parents see them as worthless, they will come to define themselves as worthless. People who perceive themselves as likable may remember more positive than negative statements.

To be more satisfied in your relationship means living in harmony with who you really are.

• You are not a reflection of the life around you.
• You aren’t just a wife, husband, warrior, or anything of this world. You are what you prioritize in life.
• The problem is we often define ourselves as other people define us.

When people are doing what they think they should be doing, they are happy.

• Build your moral compass
• According to historian Warren Susman in his book Culture as History, the use of the phrase “good character” peaked in the 19th century. “Character was a keyword in the vocabulary of Englishmen and Americans,” says Susman, and so important to society that it was promoted as an essential component of one's identity.

Do the right thing and know what is right to do.

• Your words and actions tell others who you really are.
• It's not limited to a single value, but the traits are demonstrated in the “good” choices they make and the “bad” choices they avoid.

Character traits worth growing:

1. Integrity
2. Honesty
3. Loyalty
4. Respectfulness
5. Responsibility
6. Humility
7. Compassion
8. Fairness
9. Forgiveness
10. Authenticity
11. Courageousness
12. Generosity
13. Perseverance
14. Politeness
15. Kindness
16. Lovingness
17. Optimism
18. Reliability
19. Conscientiousness
20. Self-disciplined
21. Ambitiousness
22. Encouraging
23. Forgiving
24. Considerate
25. Thoroughness

How do you build these into your life?

• What I did to stumble onto the path
• Define your core values (what is most important to you)
  • Loving God
  • Loving others
• Do them! Live them!
  
  • Stop excessive drinking
  • Stop avoiding pain
• I surrounded myself with good people
  • The dark morning
• Commit to getting better (always the first step)
  • Coaching, coaching, and more coaching
    • Jim for 6 months
    • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
    • Psychiatrist
    • Addictions/trauma expert