Today we are going to talk about 6 things to help you cure teenager rebelliousness...
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How do you handle a rebellious teenager:
What kind of boundaries should you set?
Set boundaries that are fair and reasonable...i.e. When I got in trouble with a group of parents who couldn’t believe my daughter did not have a curfew for prom.
Don’t try and change everything at the same time. Just like your marriage, address growth areas one thing at a time.
Don’t get after it in the moment. Give yourself time to calm down and become rational. I had to do this with our oldest the other week. I almost lost my mind over cleaning issues, it would have been another failure if I’d gone after him in the moment.
“Teach your child to problem solve. As a parent, you are the teacher, coach and limit setter for your child. Part of your job is to teach her how to solve her problems appropriately. When things are calm, you can say, “This behavior won’t solve your problem. Yelling at me because you’re angry about having to go to bed won’t help you—it will only get you into more trouble. So how can you solve this problem differently next time?” Listen to what she has to say, and suggest ideas if she can’t come up with anything. Some examples might be: “You could walk away. You could write down how you’re feeling on a piece of paper or in a journal. You could listen to music.” This is really powerful because you’re saying, “It’s not about me, it’s about you. And it’s not in your best self-interest to behave this way. How can you change what you’re doing so you don’t get into trouble next time?” https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/hope-for-parents-of-defiant-teens-6-ways-to-parent-more-effectively/
Your rebellious teenager is not all bad. Look for the good. Dr. Gary Oliver has parents do an exercise that freaks them out! Journal all the good behavior for a week and then give him a report.
Think so you don’t stink! Before addressing your teenager, think it through already. Go through what you are going to say and evaluate your words and tone. Thoughtfulness is a good practice for any relationship.
Call in a friend. You don’t have to go through this alone. At least two out of three of our children would have been murdered by now if not for community.
So, if you have a rebellious teenager and have no idea how to deal with them, the most important thing to remember is they are capable of rational thought. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but I promise they are. Remember to set responsible boundaries because I have seen far too many parents get carried away. Also, know that change is not going to happen overnight. Just like a marriage, you are in this relationship for life and you will need to be patient.
Finally, look for the good! Your teenager is NOT evil. I promise you have not given birth to the anti-Christ and they do not wake up every day with the sole intention of ruining your life. Be the example! Show that you are a rational human being, and your teen will begin to emulate this behavior. NEVER try and confront your child when you are fuming with anger. Take a minute, and think it though. Rebellious teens will not respond to screaming and yelling.
I could yell at my son Cole for hours and he would give me the same glazed eye look meanwhile all I had to do to get Reagan back in shape was say “I’m so disappointed in you.” And she would immediately melt. Different kids need different things but the most important thing to remember is they are people too. Love your kids, Shepard and respect them and watch what a difference it makes. If you still feel like a crazy idiot then call in a friend.
Allow them to influence you as you try to influence your teen. When you feel like you just don't know what to do anymore, listen to the voice of Holy Spirit and this I can assure you this tactic will not fail.
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