The over spiritualization syndrome

A single guy asked a question for the show that hit some serious buttons for me. I wouldn’t say I’m angry, because I’m not, but I am definitely worked up because I feel like single Christian people get themselves into the most ridiculous situations because...well, I’ll save the rest for the show.

“My ex girlfriend and I have been in and out of a relationship for the last two years. we recently started talking again. The reason for the in and out is because she went on a missions trip and started to feel like God may be calling her to full time ministry in another country. We both want to get married but everything that she feels God has been doing in her life over the past two years doesn't allow us to grow in our relationship because of the lack of security of not knowing if she will even be around for much longer if God "calls her" to the mission field. She has been unsure of her calling and doesn't know for sure if God is calling her so she's been pursuing different opportunities and something legit seems to be in the works. I'm open to full time ministry if God were to lay it on my heart but he hasn't in the way he has for her. And I don't think it's right for me to pursue ministry just because I don't want to lose her. The way things are now is that we don't talk every day. We talk as I say, "consistently, inconsistently." It's really been a waiting game to see what God does. I guess my question is, is this something she just needs to make a decision on or keep waiting for God to open the right door? I believe she's worth the wait but I struggle if it's the wise decision. Please advise!”

BIG THING TO TALK ABOUT

• “My ex girlfriend and I have been in and out of a relationship for the last two years.”
  • Dating shouldn’t be that difficult
  • “The reason for the in and out is because she went on a missions trip and started to feel like God may be calling her to full time ministry in another country.”
  • I want to say this in the most loving way possible, but try not to over-spiritualize the relationship.
  • She’s not the only one for you. You’re not the only one for her. It’s going to be ok for you both if it doesn’t work out.
• The real questions you need to ask are:
  • Are we compatible?
  • Do we want the same kind of relationship with Jesus?
  • What about kids?
  • What is the desired future?
• “And I don't think it's right for me to pursue ministry just because I don't want to lose her.”
  • You are correct sir!
  • And single people do this kind of thing, they try to force the relationship to work, and then guess what happens...it ends up failing.
  • You have to be happy whether you’re with her or not.
• “I guess my question is, is this something she just needs to make a decision on or keep waiting for God to open the right door? I believe she's worth the wait but I struggle if it's the wise decision. Please advise!”
  • Who knows what is going on in her head, so don’t get into the habit of mind reading.
  • What really matters is what you need.
  • If you believe she’s worth waiting for, then I’d recommend waiting.
  • There’s no rush.
  • But if it feels like something different, then maybe it’s time to move on.
  • You’ll be ok, especially if you’ve figured out to be ok without her.