The nightmare of labelling
Jan 02, 2019
On today’s show, “The road to hell is paved with overly simplistic labels.” Wrote author Grant Hilary Brenner. There are three different labels we either stick on ourselves or the people we love that need to be eliminated and thrown away immediately! We’re gonna reveal the labels and how you how to get rid of them today on Smalley Marriage Radio.
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The Distraction of the Day:
Amy, you’re walking by a house in our neighborhood and you hear a toddler screaming and then the voice of a man yell, ““Why don’t you die?” What do you do? Because you won’t believe what happened in Perth, Australia
Honoring News of the Day:
Couple Returns Diaper Bag Filled With Family's Life Savings
Grant Hilary Brenner from Psychology Today (full article):
- The problem is that we are all overly-stimulated and possibly totally unaware of underlying emotions...even deep anxiety.
- Start pursuing activities that cause curiosity or things you are passionate about. You could even look to serving others in times of boredom.
- If you are putting this label on yourself or others it might mean you are refusing to deal with difficult or seemingly impossible-to-reconcile conflicts. It’s used when you believe in your heart of hearts there is only one possible point of view. We can’t possibly think differently on this subject and ever be satisfied.
- Brenner writes, “When this word springs to mind, adopt an attitude of patient examination. Look at multiple sides of the issues, and remember that there is a context. Moral values and ethical decisions change a lot from situation to situation. Identify the different sides of the apparent hypocrisy, and consider in what contexts those different perspectives would apply. A lot of the time, simply doing this is enough to put the conflict on the path to resolution.”
- When we label someone’s legitimate needs as “selfish”. Brenner writes, “Perhaps parents told us we were selfish when our needs were generally the normal needs that children have, because dealing with the child’s needs was inconvenient or otherwise difficult for under-resourced parents.” Instead of taking the time to reflect on difficult issues or differences, we just slap the label of “selfish” on the matter and self righteously walk away!
- Validate the needs of others, no matter what. It does not mean you agree with them or you are going to “do” what they might be saying they need. But starting with validation actually sets the other person up to become more reasonable if they need to be. Jesus would say, “yes, that person is being selfish so I want you to go ahead and lay down your life for them. That way you can’t be manipulated and he just might find me.”
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Are you struggling in your marriage with:
- Difficulty communicating and asserting your needs?
- Lack of intimacy and feeling disconnected?
- Feeling stuck because you keep having the same fights over and over again?
- Feeling easily triggered by built-up resentment?
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