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Talking to yourself makes a huge impact

marriage personal help Dec 12, 2017

On Saturday Night Live, a character named Stuart Smalley used to say, “I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog gone it people like me.” I’m not sure we’ve ever had a better introduction to the show...ever! Today we discuss the benefits of talking to yourself and how it can positively impact your relationships.

An articles in the NY Times by Kristin Wong “The Benefits of Talking to Yourself”

  • Talking to yourself can impact you positively when it comes to relationships
  • Two types of talking to one’s self
    • Instructional self-talk
      • Talking yourself through a task
    • Motivational self-talk
      • “I can do this!”
  • It doesn’t have to be out-loud, internal self-talk works too
    • Ethan Kross, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan
      • They found that when their subjects talked about themselves in the second or third person — for example, “You can do this” or “Jane can do this” instead of “I can do this” — not only did they feel less anxiety while performing, but their peers also rated their performances better. Mr. Kross said this was because of self-distancing: focusing on the self from the distanced perspective of a third person, even though that person is you.  (https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/08/smarter-living/benefits-of-talking-to-yourself-self-talk.html)
    • Psychological distance
      • This is when you focus on yourself from a distanced perspective, like a third party.
      • Helps you think differently about the issue
      • “In terms of why psychological distance helps, the example I like to give is to think about a time with a friend or loved one ruminating about a problem,” Mr. Kross said. “As an outsider, it’s relatively easy for you to advise them through that problem. One of the key reasons why we’re so able to advise others on a problem is because we’re not sucked into those problems. We can think more clearly because we have distance from the experience.” Kross
  • Benefits of Self-talk
    • Helps you solve things faster
    • You can be more prepared for a conversation
    • Can help keep you focused on important tasks
    • My pastor always says, “Talk to yourself, don’t listen to yourself.”

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