The Reluctant Missionary

Authentic stories from the travels of Michael Smalley.

Anatomy of trust

marriage Jan 24, 2019

Maya Angelou once wrote, “I don't trust people who don't love themselves and tell me, 'I love you.' ... There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.” Today we explore the anatomy of trust with Dr. Brené Brown...sort of!

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Show Content:

Dr. Brene Brown: Anatomy of trust:

Trust is built in the small moments.

Listening, paying attention to the person, noticing things and discussing them

Betrayal - choosing not to connect when you have the opportunity.

“To choose not to connect when the opportunity is there is a moment of betrayal…”
Definition of Trust: “Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.”

““Trust is like a marble jar. You share those hard stories and those hard things that are happening to you with friends who over time you’ve filled up their marble jar. They’ve done thing after thing after thing where you know you can trust this person. We often think trust is built by grand gestures at crucial moments in our lives, but trust is typically built with simplicity and small actions. It’s very clear. Trust is built in very small moments.”

Distrust - what I have shared with you that's important to me is not safe with you.

Dr. Brene Brown’s BRAVING:

B - boundaries (you have & keep yours and mine)

R - reliability (valid and reliable) - you do what you say you're going to do over and over again

A - accountability (when you make a mistake: you own it, apologize for it and make amends)

V - vault - what I share with you, will be kept in confidence and vise versa. That's only one door of the vault. When someone gossips to you about someone else, then you cannot be trusted with confidentiality.

Sometimes we share what's not ours to share to Hotwire connection with others = common enemy intimacy (counterfeit trust.)

I - integrity - act from place of integrity and encourage me to do the same.

Integrity definition:

  • Courage over comfort
  • Right over fun, fast or easy
  • Practicing values not just professing them

N - non-judgment - I can fall apart and struggle and ask for help without being judged.

When we assign value to needing help, you think less of them too.

G - generosity - if you can assume the most generous things about my words, intentions, and behavior (benefit of the doubt) and check in with me

Self-Trust - if you cannot count on yourself, you can't expect others to trust you. Start with your own marble jar - how you treat yourself!


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