The most easy way to understand the heart of communication

Last show we talked about the importance of having structure in how you resolve conflict. So you can’t just go all willy-nilly during conflict and think you’re going to get anything solved.

SHOW NOTES

Today is about the most powerful word picture in the history of the world when it comes to resolving conflict!  If you’re going to resolve conflict, then you are trying to replicate the experience you get when going through the drive-through at a Chick-fil-a.

Continue Reading...

Is oral sex allowed for a Christian couple

I just received this question and it jumped right off the page at me!

We have just ordered over $400 worth of books, workbooks, cd’s and dvd’s from you and your family……..we are desperate……I just have to ask one question………I have to have an answer to this question before I can get past some issues……….it is this………..

“Is oral sex something that is OK with the Lord, and, is it ok to dress up in a little nurse costume, or such.

I know this sounds so crazy, but I am about to go out of my mind needing to know the answers to this question! We have two boys coming up and I want them to have the best life possible in the Lord………these questions are just not talked about enough!

Thank you for your time and answer. May God richly bless you and all of your family!

MICHAEL: I hate couples who miss out on the joy of sex with each other because they think there are...

Continue Reading...

LOVE Talk, the most powerful communication method on earth!

Do you ever get into conflict? I’m in conflict every other day with my wife! And we help couples for a living! Today you are going to discover, possibly, the most important thing about resolving conflict…and you don’t know about it! But no longer, we are going to reveal this truth as we unpack resolving conflict as a couple.

SHOW NOTES

  • If you are going to resolve conflict, you have to have structure!
  • LOVE Talk stands for Listen-Own-Validate-Express

 

Also, don’t forget to subscribe to the show because then you can get practical advice to your favorite device automatically - click here.

This show was brought to you by the Smalley Institute. If your relationship is on life support, Smalley Marriage Intensive your marriage in two days. Call us at 800-975-8748 or click here for more information on our private, 1-on-1 program for couples.

Continue Reading...

Menopause - an interview with an expert

What a show today! I get to interview Rhonda Jolliffe, the founder of rhondanp.com.  What's so great about the show today? We have one of the most honest and frank conversations about menopause ever!  Rhonda has great insight for women who might be experiencing menopause but we also address how menopause impacts a relationship and what to do about it.

  • About 20 years helping women through menopause
  • The creator of rhondanp.com
  • Get a free course, just visit rhondanp.com/smalley
  • Understand the positives of menopause.
  • Does menopause help creativity for women?
  • What are some of the best things women can do for menopause?
  • Tips for husbands with wives going through menopause.
  • Andropause, it’s menopause for men!
Continue Reading...

How to end it well

Today Seth Johnson is taking over the show. So everything we talk about is something he wanted, and he got.

  • Seth wants to talk about ending well.
  • Every good thing sometimes comes to an end
    • Dating, marriage, business, etc.
  • How to end well
    • “Ending well means intentionally setting aside time for reflection and acknowledgment, time to name the cost, the enormity of the work and everything that has gone into it, and name the moments of grace and beauty that helped carry us through.” The Allender Center
    • Don’t dismiss it or avoid it
    • Embrace the awkwardness
    • Don’t lie
  • What are your favorite memories?
Continue Reading...

Get to know your mate's inner child

Intimacy is more than just hanging out with each other or sharing your deepest emotions.  It is also important to get to know each other.  These questions can help you learn a little bit more about each other's inner child:

  1. What's your earliest childhood memory?
  2. Who was your best friend growing up?  What was your favorite thing about this friend?
  3. Who was your biggest influence growing up and why?
  4. If you could go back and change one thing about your childhood, what would it be?
  5. What was your favorite TV show growing up as a kid?
Continue Reading...

The over spiritualization syndrome

Uncategorized

A single guy asked a question for the show that hit some serious buttons for me. I wouldn’t say I’m angry, because I’m not, but I am definitely worked up because I feel like single Christian people get themselves into the most ridiculous situations because...well, I’ll save the rest for the show.

“My ex girlfriend and I have been in and out of a relationship for the last two years. we recently started talking again. The reason for the in and out is because she went on a missions trip and started to feel like God may be calling her to full time ministry in another country. We both want to get married but everything that she feels God has been doing in her life over the past two years doesn't allow us to grow in our relationship because of the lack of security of not knowing if she will even be around for much longer if God "calls her" to the mission field. She has been unsure of her calling and doesn't know for sure if God is calling her so she's been...

Continue Reading...

Does what we teach possibly harm your relationship?

“You've talked about taking a timeout when things get too heated. I feel my husband uses this phrase as a way of avoiding the problems we face. Unfortunately, communication in our marriage has become so unpleasant and difficult that timeouts have become a lifestyle and we have virtually no communication. I'm talking like years and years, at least 15. At this point I feel we have no connection and no relationship, along with so many unresolved issues I don't even know where to start. We have been married for 35 yrs. I don't want to give up, but I do not want to live the rest of my life with a hostile stranger. HELP!!!”

  • Why in the world could everything we teach be bad?
    • Because you can twist anything good and make it bad...anything!
    • This is why Jesus made such a big deal about our hearts, our intentions, the true desire behind our actions.
  • It matters WHY you are doing something.
    • Timeouts are good, but bad when
      • “I feel my husband uses this phrase as a way of...
Continue Reading...

Is it ok to walk away from your marriage?

Today we take on one of the shortest, yet intense question asked by a listener yet! I’ll just let you read it for yourself, “Is there a walking away point in marriage?”  I don’t know...is there? We’ll answer this question on today's show.

“My wife wants a divorce, I do not. She wants the four kids and I am supposed to move out. I want reconciliation, she says ‘No chance, ever!’ What do I do?”

  • Respect the boundary even though it seems counterproductive
  • Give her the space she is demanding
  • Let her know you would love a chance to hear what you can do to repair the relationship, but you’ll be patient till she is ready
  • In the meantime
    • Get help
    • Counseling, mentor, discipleship
  • Make changes
Continue Reading...

Talking to yourself makes a huge impact

On Saturday Night Live, a character named Stuart Smalley used to say, “I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog gone it people like me.” I’m not sure we’ve ever had a better introduction to the show...ever! Today we discuss the benefits of talking to yourself and how it can positively impact your relationships.

An articles in the NY Times by Kristin Wong “The Benefits of Talking to Yourself”

  • Talking to yourself can impact you positively when it comes to relationships
  • Two types of talking to one’s self
    • Instructional self-talk
      • Talking yourself through a task
    • Motivational self-talk
      • “I can do this!”
  • It doesn’t have to be out-loud, internal self-talk works too
    • Ethan Kross, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan
      • They found that when their subjects talked about themselves in the second or third person — for example, “You can do this” or “Jane can do this” instead...
Continue Reading...
Close

Let us help you build a better relationship

Fill out this form and we will get back with you as quickly as possible.