I get it. You want change, and you want it now.

We live in the age of NOW. Two-day shipping. Instant streaming. Same-day delivery. Google has trained us to expect answers in milliseconds. Our entire world is built on quick and convenient.

So when it comes to personal transformation, we expect the same thing. We want dramatic change. We want breakthroughs. We want to wake up tomorrow as a different person.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but that's not how it works.

Change isn't quick. Change isn't convenient. And honestly? That's actually good news.

Let me explain.

The Year That Changed Everything

Back in 2020, I spent a year attending AA meetings. Not occasionally. Not when I felt like it. Every single day.

Ninety meetings in ninety days to start. Then I just kept going.

It was one of the most transformational seasons of my life. Not because of any single dramatic moment, but because of the compound effect of showing up day after day after day.

I had to do the work. I had to submit to a mentor and actually listen to people—giving them access to guide me down a better path. I had to be honest when I didn't want to be honest. I had to keep coming back even when I didn't feel like it.

It works if you work it. And I worked it.

Here's the thing: I already had a PhD. I'd spent years learning about psychology, relationships, and personal growth. I had all the head knowledge in the world.

But somewhere along the way, I'd stopped doing my own work. I graduated with my advanced degrees and shifted all my focus to helping others. I stopped getting help and focused entirely on giving help.

And I paid the price.

Toxic levels of passivity. Codependence. Addictive coping strategies that were slowly killing me. My life fell apart—and looking back, I can see that I didn't have to go through all of that if I'd only stayed engaged in my own growth process.

I stopped showing up for myself. And everything suffered.

The Quick Fix Lie

Here's what I've observed after decades of working with people:

Most people aren't unwilling to change. They're unwilling to change slowly.

They want the weekend seminar that fixes everything. The one book that unlocks the secret. The single conversation that finally gets through to their spouse. The prayer that makes it all better by morning.

And when that doesn't happen, they quit.

"I tried," they say. "It didn't work."

No—you tried once. Or you tried for a week. Or you tried until it got hard.

That's not trying. That's testing.

Real transformation requires something most people aren't willing to give: consistent effort over time.

Not dramatic effort once. Consistent effort over time.

Nobody Takes a Selfie on the First Step

Think about it this way.

Nobody walks up a single flight of stairs in their house and takes a selfie at the top. "Look at me! I climbed the stairs!" That would be ridiculous.

But climb a 14,000-foot peak? Different story.

You go through the pain. The exhaustion. The moments where you want to quit. The burning lungs and aching legs. The times you wonder why you ever thought this was a good idea.

And then you reach the summit.

And you celebrate. You take photos. You soak it in. Because the journey was difficult, the top becomes even more enjoyable.

The difficulty is what makes the destination meaningful.

If transformation happened overnight, it wouldn't mean anything. It wouldn't stick. It wouldn't change who you are at a fundamental level.

The slow climb is the point. The daily showing up is the point. The consistent effort when you don't feel like it—that's what actually rewires your brain, rebuilds your character, and transforms your life.

Quick fixes don't create lasting change. They create the illusion of progress followed by the disappointment of sliding back.

The Compound Effect of Showing Up

Here's what I've learned about transformation:

Small steps, taken consistently, lead to places you never thought possible.

One meeting doesn't change your life. But 365 meetings? That changes everything.

One hard conversation doesn't heal a marriage. But weekly hard conversations over a year? That rebuilds trust from the ground up.

One day of healthy choices doesn't break an addiction. But a thousand days strung together? That's freedom.

This is the compound effect. Each individual step seems small—almost insignificant. But they stack. They build. They accumulate into something massive.

The problem is, we don't see the compound effect in real time. We only see it in the rearview mirror. So we get discouraged in the middle because it doesn't feel like anything is happening.

Something is happening. You just can't see it yet.

Why I Started Twice-Weekly Coaching

When I launched the Smalley Sojourners community, I knew I wanted to offer live coaching multiple times a week.

Why? Because of what I experienced in AA.

Those daily meetings changed me. Having somewhere to show up consistently—multiple times a week—gave me accountability, support, and momentum that I couldn't create on my own.

I realized that most couples don't have that option. There's no "marriage recovery meeting" on every corner. There's no place to show up twice a week and dig into what you're learning with people who actually get it.

So I built one.

Honestly? I'd love to have enough Sojourners to offer meetings seven days a week. Because I've seen what happens when people have options to do the hard work consistently. Transformation isn't just possible—it's predictable.

But here's what I've also noticed:

The people who show up regularly transform. The people who show up occasionally stay stuck.

It's not about intelligence. It's not about how broken your marriage is. It's not about having some special advantage.

It's about consistency. Plain and simple.

The Hard Truth About "Too Hard"

When people tell me they can't commit to consistent work on their growth, the real issue is usually one of two things:

They don't believe it's worth it. They've tried things before and been disappointed. They're protecting themselves from another failure by not fully engaging.

They don't believe they can do it. The mountain looks too tall. The journey looks too long. So they never take the first step.

Both of these are lies.

It IS worth it. I'm living proof. The version of me that shows up for my kids, my clients, and my community today is radically different from the version who was dying a slow death a few years ago. The climb was brutal. And it was worth every step.

And you CAN do it. Not because you're strong enough or disciplined enough, but because you don't have to do it alone. That's the whole point of community—carrying each other when one person is weak.

Yes, it's difficult. Of course it's difficult.

But what in life is worth doing that isn't difficult?

Start Climbing

If you've been waiting for the quick fix, the dramatic breakthrough, the overnight transformation—I want to lovingly tell you to stop waiting.

It's not coming.

But something better is available: real, lasting change that comes from showing up consistently over time.

It's not as sexy as the instant breakthrough. It won't make a good movie montage. But it actually works.

So start climbing. Take the first step. Then take another one tomorrow. And another one the day after that.

Don't worry about the summit right now. Just focus on the next step.

And find some people to climb with. Because the journey is too hard to do alone—and too good to keep to yourself.

One day, you'll look back and realize how far you've come. And you'll be really glad you didn't quit.

This is what Smalley Sojourners is all about.

A community for people willing to do the work—not once, but consistently. Showing up twice a week, doing the hard stuff together, and experiencing the compound effect of real transformation.

✅ Twice-weekly live coaching with me (Tues/Fri 7-8am CST)
✅ 30 minutes of private coaching each month
✅ Complete course library
✅ WhatsApp community that has your back

Quick fixes don't work. Consistent community does.

Join Smalley Sojourners →

You can also text me at (303) 435-2630  or email [email protected].

What's one small step you could take consistently this week? I'd love to hear from you in the comments.