The Prayer Too Scary to Pray (And What Happens When We Finally Do)

There was a woman I'll call Sarah who had been a Christian her entire life. She knew all the right answers. She served in her church. She prayed regularly. She even led a women's Bible study.

But there was one prayer she absolutely refused to pray.

"God, I surrender this completely. Your will be done." She'd pray around it. She'd pray near it. She'd pray everything except that. "God, please save my marriage." "God, help me fix this." "God, show me what to do."

But she wouldn't pray the surrender prayer.

Because deep down, she knew what that prayer meant. It meant releasing control. It meant trusting God with the outcome. It meant accepting that God's plan might look nothing like hers.

And that terrified her.

Not because she didn't believe in God's power. Not because she doubted His love.

But because she wasn't sure God could handle THIS. Her worst fear. Her biggest need.

God could handle other things, sure. But this? No way.

The Thing We Can't Surrender

If you've walked with Jesus for any length of time, you probably have one too.

That thing you pray about constantly but won't fully surrender. That person you love but can't release to God. That outcome you're desperate for but terrified to trust God with.

We say we trust God. But we don't trust Him with THAT.

We'll pray for wisdom. We'll pray for strength. We'll pray for guidance.

But we won't pray the surrender prayer.

"God, I give this to You completely. Whatever You want. Even if it's not what I want. Even if it terrifies me. Your will be done."

Why? Because that prayer means we might lose the thing we can't imagine living without.

And when we can't surrender something to God, we're revealing something about ourselves we don't want to admit:

We've made it an idol.

When We Make Things Bigger Than God

An idol isn't just a statue you bow down to.

An idol is anything you can't surrender to God because you need it more than you need Him.

It's anything you're saying—consciously or unconsciously—"I need this more than I need God. I can't trust God with this. This is bigger than God's ability to care for me."

For Sarah, her marriage had become an idol.

Not because marriage is bad. Not because she was wrong to value it.

But because she couldn't trust God with it.

She couldn't pray "Your will be done" because what if God's will was for the marriage to end? What if His plan didn't include restoration?

She'd rather hold onto her plan and exhaust herself trying to control the outcome than trust God with something that might not turn out the way she wanted.

And as long as she held onto it, she couldn't experience peace.

Because you can't have peace when you're frantically trying to control what you can't control.

The Fear Behind the Fear

Here's what makes the surrender prayer so terrifying:

We're not really afraid God can't handle our situation.

We're afraid God won't handle it the way we want Him to.

We're afraid:

• God will take away what we love most
• We won't survive if we lose this thing
• God's plan is worse than our plan
• We need this thing more than we need God
• God can't be trusted with our deepest desires

So we hold on. We control. We manipulate. We strategize.

We do everything except surrender.

Because surrendering means we might not get what we want. And that's the one thing we can't accept.

What the Bible Shows Us About Surrender

But here's what we forget: The Bible is full of people who had to pray the surrender prayer. And God was faithful—even when His answer wasn't what they wanted.

Abraham: Surrendering His Son

God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac—the son of promise, the child he'd waited decades for, the one through whom God's promises would be fulfilled.

This made no sense. This seemed cruel. This appeared to contradict everything God had promised.

But Abraham surrendered anyway.

He didn't understand. He was probably terrified. But he trusted that God would be faithful even if His plan looked nothing like what Abraham expected.

And God provided. Not the way Abraham expected. But God was faithful.

Job: Surrendering His Understanding

Job lost everything. His children. His wealth. His health.

And he didn't understand why.

But in the midst of devastating loss, Job said something profound:

"Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him." (Job 13:15)

Job surrendered his need to understand. He surrendered his demand that God explain Himself. He surrendered his plan for how God should fix everything.

And God was faithful. Not immediately. Not the way Job expected. But faithful nonetheless.

Jesus: Surrendering in Gethsemane

Even Jesus had to pray the surrender prayer.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, facing the most horrific death imaginable, Jesus prayed:

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." (Luke 22:42)

Jesus was honest about what He wanted. But He surrendered to the Father's will even when it meant excruciating suffering.

And God was faithful. The cross looked like defeat. But it was actually victory.

Stories I've Heard From People Who Finally Surrendered

Over 30 years of ministry, I've walked with hundreds of people through the surrender prayer. Here are some of their stories:

The Man Who Surrendered His Business

A man came to me whose business was failing. He'd poured everything into it—his money, his identity, his dreams.

He prayed constantly: "God, save my business. Don't let me lose this."

But he wouldn't pray: "God, Your will be done, even if I lose everything."

Why? Because his identity was wrapped up in being a successful businessman. Losing the business meant losing himself.

Finally, exhausted and desperate, he prayed the surrender prayer.

"God, I give You my business. If You want me to lose it, I trust You'll be faithful. Your will be done."

The business failed. But he didn't.

He discovered that his identity wasn't in his business—it was in Christ. He found freedom he'd never had when success was his god.

Years later, he told me: "Losing my business was the best thing that ever happened to me. I finally found out who I was without it. And that was worth more than any success."

The Woman Who Surrendered Her Child

A mother came to me whose adult son had walked away from God, was addicted to drugs, and was destroying his life.

She prayed constantly: "God, save my son. Bring him back. Fix him."

But she wouldn't pray: "God, Your will be done, even if he never comes back."

Why? Because she couldn't imagine surviving if her son died in his addiction. She couldn't trust God to be enough if she lost him.

Finally, broken and desperate, she prayed the surrender prayer.

"God, I give You my son. I can't save him. I can't fix him. I can't control him. Your will be done, even if I never see him come back to You."

And something shifted.

Not in her son immediately. But in her.

She found peace. For the first time in years, she wasn't consumed by anxiety. She wasn't frantically trying to control outcomes. She wasn't making her son's choices her responsibility.

Years later, her son did come back to God. But she told me the peace she found through surrender was the real miracle—whether he came back or not.

The Couple Who Surrendered Their Marriage

A couple came to me on the brink of divorce. They'd been fighting for years. Nothing was working. The distance was growing.

They prayed: "God, save our marriage. Fix this. Help us."

But they wouldn't pray: "God, Your will be done, even if our marriage ends."

Why? Because their entire identity was wrapped up in being married. They couldn't imagine who they'd be without each other—even though being with each other was miserable.

Finally, they prayed the surrender prayer together.

"God, we give You this marriage. We can't fix it. We've tried everything. Your will be done, even if that means separation or divorce."

And something unexpected happened.

When they stopped trying to control the outcome and started focusing on their own transformation, the pressure lifted.

They could finally be honest instead of defensive. They could address their own issues instead of blaming each other. They could love without demanding.

Their marriage was restored. Not quickly. Not easily. But genuinely.

But here's what they said: "The real miracle wasn't saving our marriage. It was the peace we found when we finally surrendered it to God. That peace is what created space for healing."

Your Own Testimony

Here's what I want you to do:

Think back over your own life.

Think about times when God came through for you. Times when you thought you wouldn't survive, but you did. Times when God proved faithful even when His answer wasn't what you expected.

You have your own testimony, don't you?

Maybe it was:

• A relationship that ended but led you to something better
• A job you lost that redirected your path
• A crisis that broke you but also transformed you
• A prayer God didn't answer the way you wanted but answered better than you imagined

God has been faithful before. Multiple times. In ways you never expected.

And yet, here you are, afraid to trust Him with THIS thing.

Why? Because we have short memories. We forget what God has already done.

We're like the Israelites who saw God part the Red Sea, provide manna from heaven, and lead them with a pillar of fire—and still doubted God could give them the Promised Land.

We've seen God's faithfulness. We just don't trust it with the thing we're holding onto right now.

What Happens When You Finally Pray It

So what happens when you finally pray the surrender prayer?

"God, I surrender this completely. Your will be done. Even if it's not what I want. Even if it terrifies me. I trust You."

Here's what I've seen over and over again:

You Experience Impossible Peace

This is the most consistent result.

Not peace because circumstances changed. Not peace because you got what you wanted.

Peace in the middle of the storm. Peace that makes no sense. Peace that shouldn't be possible.

Jesus promised: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27)

That peace shows up when you surrender. Not as a feeling. As a Person.

Jesus Himself becomes your peace when you finally stop trying to manufacture it through control.

You Stop Exhausting Yourself

When you release control, you stop carrying what you were never meant to carry.

You've been trying to be God. Trying to control outcomes. Trying to manage what only God can manage.

And it's exhausted you.

When you pray the surrender prayer, you finally put down the burden.

Not because you don't care. But because you trust that God can carry it better than you can.

You See Things Clearly for the First Time

When you're frantically trying to control something, you can't see clearly.

You're defensive. You're anxious. You're manipulating. You're reacting.

But when you surrender, clarity comes.

You can finally see your own part in things. You can address your own issues. You can make decisions from peace instead of panic.

Surrender doesn't mean passivity. It means trusting God while you do your part with clarity and obedience.

You Discover God Actually IS Enough

This is the scariest discovery—and the most freeing.

Because when you surrender the thing you thought you couldn't live without, you discover you can live without it if you have God.

Maybe you get it back. Maybe you don't.

But either way, you discover that God really is enough.

Not in theory. Not in theology. In actual lived experience.

And that discovery changes everything.

The Thing You Feared Might Actually Happen—But You Survive It

Here's what we don't want to admit: Sometimes God's will ISN'T what we want.

Sometimes the marriage ends. Sometimes the person doesn't come back. Sometimes you lose what you thought you couldn't live without.

But here's what's also true: You survive it.

God is faithful. Not always in preventing loss. But in being enough IN the loss.

And discovering that God is enough even when your worst fear comes true? That's freedom.

The Prayer Sarah Finally Prayed

Let me tell you what happened with Sarah.

After months of wrestling, after exhausting herself trying to control her marriage, after praying every prayer except the surrender prayer, she finally prayed it.

"God, I surrender my marriage to You completely. I can't fix this. I can't control my spouse. I can't manufacture the outcome I want. Your will be done, even if that means my marriage ends. I trust that You'll be faithful. I trust that You'll be enough. Even for this."

She was terrified when she prayed it.

What if God's will was for her marriage to end? What if surrendering meant losing?

But here's what happened:

Peace. Immediate, impossible peace.

Not because her circumstances changed. Her marriage was still in crisis. Her spouse was still distant. Nothing externally was different.

But internally, everything was different.

She wasn't frantically trying to control anymore. She wasn't exhausted from carrying what she couldn't carry. She wasn't making her spouse's choices her responsibility.

She had surrendered. And in surrendering, she found rest.

Her marriage eventually did end. This wasn't the outcome she wanted. This wasn't the answer she prayed for.

But she survived it.

Because God was faithful. Not in preventing the loss. But in being enough IN the loss.

And years later, she told me: "Praying that surrender prayer was the hardest thing I've ever done. But it was also the most freeing. Because I finally discovered that God really is enough. Even for my worst fear."

The Question You Can't Avoid

So here's the question:

What's the thing you won't surrender to God?

The thing you pray about constantly but won't fully release. The person you love but can't trust God with. The outcome you're desperate for but terrified to surrender.

What's your idol?

Not because you're a bad Christian. Not because you have weak faith.

But because you're human. And humans make idols out of good things when we need them more than we need God.

The Invitation

God is inviting you to pray the prayer you're too scared to pray.

"God, I surrender this completely. Your will be done."

Not because He wants to take it away. But because He wants to be enough for you whether you have it or not.

Not because surrender means losing. But because surrender means freedom.

Freedom from the exhaustion of trying to control what you can't control. Freedom from the anxiety of holding onto something so tightly you can't enjoy it. Freedom from making good things into gods.

Will you pray it?

Not someday. Not when you feel ready. Not when you're less scared.

Right now.

Because the peace you've been searching for is on the other side of surrender.

The freedom you've been craving comes when you release control.

The faith you say you have becomes real when you finally trust God with the thing you've been holding back.

God, I surrender this completely. Your will be done. Even if it's not what I want. Even if it terrifies me. I trust You. I trust You'll be faithful. I trust You'll be enough. Even for this.

Pray it. And watch what God does.

Ready to Learn What Surrender Actually Looks Like?

If you're ready to stop trying to control outcomes and start trusting God with everything—even the terrifying things—my Following Christ online course will teach you how to surrender, hear God's voice, and experience the peace that comes from trusting Him completely.

This 12-week journey includes:

• What Jesus said about anxiety, worry, and fear (and how to actually apply it)
• Prayer that brings intimacy, answers, and power (not manipulation)
• Faith that transforms and works miracles (not just intellectual belief)
• How to abide in Christ in ways that create impossible peace

Explore all our resources for transformation: smalleyinstitute.com/store

Need support right now? Text me at (303) 435-2630  or email [email protected].

Remember: The prayer you're too scared to pray is the prayer that will set you free. Surrender doesn't mean losing. It means trusting God enough to release what you've been holding so tightly you can't enjoy it anyway. Pray the surrender prayer. Experience the impossible peace that comes when you finally let go.

What's the thing you won't surrender to God? Will you pray the surrender prayer today? Share in the comments—your courage might inspire someone else to finally let go.