I was watching SportsCenter the other day when a story stopped me in my tracks.

Jalen Brunson, the star point guard for the New York Knicks, was being interviewed about a moment that happened when he was eighteen years old. A moment he says changed everything.

It was Christmas Day 2014. Jalen's mom, Sandra, took him to the United Center in Chicago to watch the Bulls play the Los Angeles Lakers. Jalen was a senior at Adlai Stevenson High School, already making a name for himself as a player. But that night, he wasn't on the court. He was just a kid hoping to watch his hero, Kobe Bryant, play basketball on Christmas.

Kobe didn't play that game. The Bulls won 113-93, and Jalen could have gone home disappointed.

But then something happened.

After the game, Jalen found himself in the hallway of the United Center. And walking toward him was Kobe Bryant himself.

"I just remember him walking down that hallway," Jalen recalled. "As a teenager, you're trying to keep your cool. I said hi, shook his hand."

And then Kobe said nine words that Jalen has never forgotten.

"Why work if you don't want to be the best?"

That was it. Nine words from a legend to a teenager in a hallway. Kobe also handed Jalen a pair of his signature red Kobe 9s—the Christmas edition—and sent him on his way.

The next day, Jalen wore those shoes in a high school tournament game. He dropped 16 points, 7 assists, and 6 rebounds. His team won the championship. He was named tournament MVP.

And that quote? It never left him.

From Hallway to MVP

Fast forward to today.

Jalen Brunson is a two-time NBA All-Star. He just led the New York Knicks to the NBA Cup Championship and was named the tournament's Most Valuable Player. In the Cup games alone, his scoring went like this: 29, 33, 37, 35, 40, 25. He recently dropped 47 points on the Miami Heat—his highest-scoring game at Madison Square Garden. His coach is comparing him to Steph Curry, LeBron James, and yes, Kobe Bryant.

He's in the MVP conversation.

And he still talks about those nine words in a hallway.

"That quote has stayed with me forever," Jalen said. "Everything else is kind of a blur."

Think about that. Kobe Bryant probably had dozens of interactions that day. He might not have even remembered meeting young Jalen Brunson. It was a moment—a handshake, a sentence, a pair of shoes.

But for Jalen, it was a defining moment. A turning point. Fuel that still burns over a decade later.

Kobe had no idea what those nine words would do.

The Words That Wounded Me

I know the power of words because I've lived on both sides of them.

When I was in grade school, I had a speech impediment. It was bad. Really bad. The kind of bad where kids don't let you forget it.

And they didn't.

I can still remember the words they said to me. The mocking. The laughter. The imitations of how I talked. Kids can be cruel, and cruel words have a way of burrowing deep and staying there.

Those words told me I was different. Broken. Less than.

I'm in my fifties now, and I can still hear them. That's how powerful words are. Decades later, they echo.

The Words That Saved Me

But here's the other side.

I also remember the words of my father.

My dad, Gary Smalley, spoke truth and love into my life consistently. When the world was telling me I was defective, my dad was telling me I was valuable. When kids at school made me feel small, my dad made me feel seen.

He affirmed me. He encouraged me. He spoke life over me when I couldn't speak clearly for myself.

I don't remember every specific sentence. But I remember the cumulative effect. I remember knowing—deep in my bones—that my father believed in me. That he was proud of me. That my worth wasn't determined by how well I could pronounce my words.

Those words shaped me just as much as the cruel ones. Maybe more.

My dad understood the power of words, and he just kept saying them.

The Science of Words

Here's what's fascinating: research backs this up.

Studies show that negative experiences and words are processed more deeply and remembered longer than positive ones. It's called the negativity bias—our brains are wired to hold onto the bad stuff. That's why you can receive ten compliments and one criticism, and the criticism is the one you can't shake.

But here's the flip side: positive words, spoken consistently over time, can literally rewire the brain. They build neural pathways of confidence, security, and resilience. Kids who grow up hearing affirming words develop stronger emotional regulation and healthier self-image.

Words aren't just noise. They're architecture. They build things inside people—or they tear things down.

What Are You Building?

So here's my question for you:

What are your words building in the people around you?

Think about your spouse. When you talk to them, are your words constructing something beautiful? Or are they slowly demolishing what's already there?

Think about your kids. Are you speaking life into them? Telling them you believe in them? Affirming who they are, not just what they do?

Think about the people you encounter randomly throughout your day. The barista. The coworker. The stranger in the grocery store.

You never know what someone is carrying. You never know if they're in the middle of the hardest season of their life. You never know if your words—kind, encouraging, life-giving—might be exactly what they needed to hear in that moment.

Kobe Bryant shook a teenager's hand and said nine words. He probably forgot about it five minutes later. But those nine words are still fueling an NBA superstar over a decade later.

Your words might do the same thing.

A Challenge for the New Year

As we start this new year, I want to challenge you to pay attention to your words.

Notice what you're saying to your spouse. Are you quick to criticize and slow to encourage? Flip that. Look for things to affirm. Speak them out loud. Don't assume they know—tell them.

Notice what you're saying to your kids. They're listening even when it seems like they're not. The words you speak over them are becoming the internal voice they'll carry into adulthood. Make sure that voice is kind.

Notice what you're saying to strangers. You have no idea what God might be doing in someone else's story. Your encouragement might arrive at exactly the right moment. A simple "you're doing a great job" to a frazzled parent. A genuine "thank you" to someone serving you. A word of kindness to someone who looks like they need it.

And notice what you're saying to yourself. Some of the most destructive words we hear are the ones we speak in our own heads. If you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to yourself.

Make Them Count

Here's the truth: you're going to speak thousands of words this week. Most of them you won't even think about. They'll just come out—reactions, responses, observations, opinions.

But every one of those words lands somewhere. They land on hearts and minds and souls. They build up or tear down. They fuel someone's future or haunt their memories.

Kobe probably didn't carefully craft those nine words. He probably just said what he believed. But because he was the kind of person who thought that way, those words came out—and they changed a kid's life.

What kind of words naturally come out of you?

If you don't like the answer, you can change it. You can become the kind of person whose default is encouragement rather than criticism. Affirmation rather than complaint. Life rather than death.

It starts with paying attention. And it continues with practice.

So this week, make your words count. You never know what they might do.

If you're looking for help building a more life-giving way of communicating—with your spouse, your kids, or yourself—check out what we offer at smalleyinstitute.com.

You can text me at (303) 435-2630  or email [email protected].

What words have shaped your life—for better or worse? I'd love to hear your story in the comments.