Happy New Year!

I want to start the year with a challenge that might feel countercultural. Maybe even uncomfortable.

I want you to spend the next few minutes genuinely appreciating the opposite sex.

Not tolerating them. Not critiquing them. Not wishing they were different.

Actually appreciating what they bring that you don't.

Because somewhere along the way, we've turned the differences between men and women into a war. We mock what we don't understand. We criticize what doesn't come naturally to us. We spend so much energy pointing out what the opposite sex gets wrong that we forget to notice what they get beautifully, wonderfully right.

What if this year was different?

For the Men: What Makes Women Amazing

Gentlemen, let me tell you what you should be noticing about the women in your life.

Their discernment is uncanny. Women have a gut instinct that is almost supernatural. They can read a room, sense tension, and pick up on things that fly completely over our heads. How many times has your wife said, "Something's off about that person," and you dismissed it—only to find out later she was absolutely right? That discernment is a gift. Stop dismissing it and start trusting it.

Their care for others is relentless. Watch a woman care for someone who's hurting. Watch her anticipate needs before they're expressed. Watch her remember the small details that make people feel seen and loved. This doesn't come as naturally to most of us men. We have to work at it. For many women, it's instinct.

Their ability to bear children is miraculous. I don't think we pause long enough to marvel at this. A woman's body can grow another human being. She carries life, nurtures it, brings it into the world, and then feeds it from her own body. This is mind-blowing. The strength required—physical, emotional, mental—is staggering. And most women will tell you it's the hardest and most meaningful thing they've ever done.

Their nurturing instincts shape the next generation. There's something about mothering that goes beyond biology. It's a fierce, protective, sacrificial love that forms the foundation of who children become. Mothers see potential when everyone else sees problems. They believe in their kids when no one else does. They hold families together with invisible threads of love and attention.

Their emotional intelligence is a superpower. Women generally navigate the emotional landscape with a fluency most men have to learn. They can name feelings, express them, and help others process theirs. This isn't weakness—it's a skill that makes relationships deeper, conflicts more resolvable, and families healthier.

Men, what would happen if you stopped seeing these traits as foreign or frustrating and started seeing them as gifts?

What if you thanked her for her discernment instead of dismissing it?

What if you marveled at her capacity to nurture instead of taking it for granted?

What if you honored the emotional intelligence that helps your family actually talk to each other?

For the Women: What Makes Men Amazing

Ladies, your turn.

Their drive to protect is hardwired. When a man positions himself between you and danger—whether that's a physical threat or a financial crisis or an emotional attack—he's doing what he was designed to do. That instinct to shield the people he loves isn't toxic. It's honorable. It's love expressed through action.

Their desire to provide runs deep. Most men feel a profound responsibility to provide for their families. They'll work jobs they don't love, sacrifice their own comfort, and push through exhaustion because they believe it's their duty to ensure their family has what they need. This isn't outdated—it's sacrificial.

Their strength is a gift, not a threat. Physical strength, emotional resilience, mental toughness—these aren't things to fear or diminish. They're resources for the family. When something heavy needs lifting, when someone needs to be carried, when a situation requires steady resolve—that strength matters.

Their problem-solving is an act of love. When you share a problem and he immediately jumps to solutions, he's not dismissing your feelings. He's trying to help. He sees you hurting and wants to fix it because he can't stand seeing you in pain. Yes, sometimes you just need to be heard—and he can learn that. But his instinct to solve isn't a flaw. It's love showing up the best way he knows how.

Their quiet steadiness holds things together. Men often show love through presence rather than words. Through showing up rather than processing out loud. Through steady, consistent action rather than emotional expression. This isn't coldness—it's stability. It's the anchor that keeps the family grounded when everything feels chaotic.

Women, what would happen if you stopped interpreting his silence as distance and started seeing it as steadiness?

What if you appreciated his drive to provide instead of wishing he talked more about his feelings?

What if you honored his protection instead of calling it controlling?

The Challenge

Here's what I want you to do before this week is over:

Tell someone of the opposite sex what you appreciate about them.

Not a generic compliment. Something specific. Something that acknowledges a trait that's different from how you operate.

Husband, tell your wife: "I've been thinking about how often your gut instincts are right. I'm sorry I've dismissed them. I want to trust your discernment more."

Wife, tell your husband: "I know you work hard to provide for us, and I don't thank you enough. I see your sacrifice. It matters to me."

Single? Tell your mom, your dad, your brother, your sister, your friend. Find someone of the opposite sex and name something you genuinely appreciate about how they're wired.

Stop Keeping Score

Here's the thing about the war between the sexes: everybody loses.

When men and women spend their energy criticizing each other, pointing out flaws, and demanding the other become more like them—relationships crumble. Marriages fail. Kids grow up confused about what healthy manhood and womanhood even look like.

But when we celebrate each other's strengths? When we see the differences as complementary rather than competitive? When we appreciate what the opposite sex brings instead of resenting what they don't?

That's when relationships thrive.

You weren't designed to be the same. You were designed to be a team.

His strengths cover her weaknesses. Her strengths cover his. Together, you're more complete than either of you could be alone.

A Fresh Start

It's January 1st. A new year. A clean slate.

What if this was the year you stopped focusing on what the opposite sex isn't good at and started appreciating what they are?

What if you entered every conversation with your spouse looking for what's right instead of what's wrong?

What if you chose to be curious about your differences instead of critical of them?

The opposite sex isn't your enemy. They're your complement.

Start treating them that way, and watch what happens to your relationships this year.

Happy New Year, fellow sojourners. May this be a year of deeper appreciation, stronger connection, and more love than you thought possible.

If you want help building a stronger relationship this year, check out what we offer at smalleyinstitute.com. From coaching to courses to community—we're here to help you thrive.

You can text me at (303) 435-2630  or email [email protected].

What's one thing you genuinely appreciate about the opposite sex? Share it in the comments—let's start the year with some encouragement instead of criticism.